Manifesting Creative Genius

My past:
It's like this, we are what we pattern. The energies that formed us create a powerful force that drives us in one direction. The direction is not right or wrong once you become aware of it. Some people are born with a predisposition towards success, long life or abundance. Others are born with little chance of survival. Our life's inertia starts into motion at birth, with our genetic code. From there the lessons of our parents and childhood move us in an unconscious direction. Our desires are the projections into a possible future that allow us to improve or destroy our current conditions. To overcome inertia is no small task. If a boulder is falling down one side of a mountain it is going to take a ton of work to get it to land on the opposite side. It can be done however, and also thankfully I think that somewhere, somehow we decided which side we wanted to start down. So, where we land is simply a matter of managing our energy and our emotions. It's the journey and how we steer this thing not where we land that matters.

Genetics:
By 3rd or 4th grade I was placed into a program called G.A.T.E which if I remember stood for Gifted and Talented Education. While some of my friends were heading to LD to get tutored on how to read and add properly, I was studying Greco-Roman architecture, doing art and beginning to indulge my fantasies. I feel my luck in being placed in this program was due to some sort of genetic composition that allowed me to grasp the world with a spacial sense more advanced than my peers. To clarify, I don't feel my parents were doing anything out of the ordinary to push me ahead of the others. I believe they did an equal if not better job raising my sister. For a long time she seemed to be more well adjusted but was not invited into the "gifted" program. This is not to suggest that I was superior in any way. I'm merely observing the facts of my life and hoping to gain some clarity on my current condition. This is all subjective and takes no scientifically measured data into account. Nonetheless, I was in this gifted program at an age too young to have aspired to do so. Sadly this "gift" was to remain somewhat dormant until now.

Environment:
In the days of my youth, (to borrow a phrase from Led Zeppelin) my parents were still pursuing entrepreneurial businesses, I'm sure this spirit inspired me. At the same time I was left to my own devices to learn and grow on my own. I resented the lack of attention and care that I felt that I needed or wanted or deserved. It would be rash to say that this was why I fell in with the wrong crowd. In my hometown there really was no good or right crowd. We were isolated on Neville Island, southwest of Pittsburgh on the Ohio River. As children we grow up with those who are in the closest proximity. Unless your parents are uber protective freaks willing to drive you to the nice parts of town, so you can meet nice kids and do nice things, you hang with those closest to you. Thankfully mine were the former and left me to make my way on the banks of the Ohio River. To clarify I am not trying to indite of my friends or my home town for my current condition. I am trying to show how the breakdown in our social and economics structures inhibits millions of people from reaching their potential. (Yet I am sitting here writing this... actually the realization I just had at this moment transcends the combination of free will and fate... but it is about a novels worth of material)
From 1977 to 1993 I was confined primarily to the island and the neighboring town of Coraopolis. Pittsburgh was a shell of its former industrial self most of the jobs and prosperity had left. Now that I think back about the homes that we all live in; they were all depressing. Bad wallpaper flooring and nothing new, everything in ill repair.

The bottom line is that without my genetics, my rough home town, parents putting me into private school and the teachers I have contacted, I would not be where I am today. However I took a lot of the depressed experiences with me from my youth. Drugs and alcohol were a big part of my identity for a long time. Now I desire space, separation from my past. I want a clean slate and this is the first two weeks I have been sober since I was 15...